Vulnerability: Who Needs It?

I mentioned yesterday that a lack of vulnerability does damage.  But I don't always believe this.

Often, well, I wish people would stop it with the full disclosure.  I don't want to know what the lady in the grocery line had for lunch, I don't care about the details of my kids' recent trip to the bathroom, and I don't want to hear rock stars' political opinions.

But it goes beyond the annoyance of details--if I'm honest, sometimes, I don't want to hear the nitty gritty of other peoples' lives at all.  I want to ask them how they are, and I want them to reply, "Fine, thanks.  How are you?"  Simple as that.  No aches and pains, no grief, no complaints.  Just fine.

I have things to do, you know.  And so do you.  So why not just go on ignoring each other and check our tasks off our lists?  No need for conversation, and certainly no time for meaningful conversation.  I want you to pretend that you're ok because that way I can pretend that I'm ok.  And vulnerability is just a whole lot messier.

We live in a culture that prizes strength and shames the vulnerable.  We  go to great lengths to avoid the appearance that we need anyone or anything and we bandage our wounds in an effort to pretend they aren't there.  We "pull ourselves up by our bootstraps" and "keep on keepin' on."

But when I hide my wounds--and when I ignore the gaping bandages of others--I am trading convenience for relationship.  I am prizing my to-do list above people.  I miss the opportunity to receive grace and the chance to give grace.  For, how am I going to know how to serve you if you seem to have it all together?  How will you know that I desperately need to talk if I don't say anything?  How can I help if I don't know of your struggle?

We are communal creatures, created for intimate relationships.  And without vulnerability, we have no relationship at all.  Just a lonely shell, a coexistence.  Maybe we're even so good at the coexistence that it's highly functional.  It's easy.  It works.  But it leaves a gaping, unfulfilled hole of self-absorption.  Because we need to be vulnerable.  We have needs that can be met only when we reveal their presence.

And just as we need vulnerability with other people, we need it with God.  But more on that tomorrow.