The Strategist

As I sat on my front stoop Saturday afternoon, sweaty and exhausted from yard work, waiting for my husband to return from the hardware store with yet another load of mulch (why can't I EVER buy enough of that stuff on the first trip?), I realized a few things. 

First, I didn't want to move or do anything.  I can't remember the last time I truly just sat--anywhere.  Perhaps if my life were more physically demanding I'd have more capacity for such things. 

Second, and far more importantly, I realized that I think a lot about God instead of praying to Him.  It's just easier for me.  To analyze, to analogize, to contemplate (and probably, to rationalize).  Engaging Him by prayer requires emotion, vulnerability, repentance.  Truth be told, I'm just not as good at those things.  I'd rather think about something and write it on a list than actually do it 9 times out of 10. 

I'm a "strategist," if you will...(What?  Not buying it?  Told you I'm good at rationalizing.)

Family legend holds that one summer when I was about five we were staying with my grandmother.  We visited her church, and when my grandmother came to pick me up, she asked her good friend, the teacher, how I did in this unfamiliar territory.  According to the grandmotherly retelling, the teacher gave a good report.  And then she remarked, "Anita doesn't like to do things she doesn't do well, does she?"  She explained.  "When it was time for the children to draw, Anita looked around, realized her drawing wasn't as good as everyone else's, turned her paper over, started writing, and announced, 'I can write in cursive.'"

"I can write in cursive."  You can imagine how often I've heard that little catch-phrase repeated. 

Unfortunately, it rings true today. And I find myself in need of relationship more than insight, of faith more than answers.  For, the answers run out.  And what's left?  The relationship.  The faith.

Before letting out for the summer last week, my small group asked how we could pray for each other over the next couple of months.  My response was something like this:  "If you want to pray for me, pray that I will pray."

It looks like I need to develop a new specialty.