Preparing our Kids for Disappointment

I was talking with a friend at church on Sunday and asked her how her son was doing about changing schools this fall.  She said that he told her the other day that he's prayed all summer that he would go back to his old school in the fall.  That has to be hard for a momma to hear.

My friend told him that God always answers his prayers.  When he looked at her with a confused expression, she lovingly said, "God has just said no.  Sometimes God says no."

And she didn't stop there.  She said, "He told you no because He has something better for you.  He is making you better through this."

All I could think was, "Now that is some good parenting."


I pondered how often as parents our inclination is to shield our children from disappointment.  I thought of the stories I've heard about parents who sue schools because their daughter didn't make the cheerleading squad, of parents taking on teachers about a B their child received in a class.  And while I may roll my eyes at such stories, the truth is that I feel this tug in little ways all the time.  And, truth be told, I would have been awfully tempted to do whatever it took to get my son back to his old school surrounded by the friends and teachers he's always known.

Thankfully, my friend knows better.

Of course, as parents, we want to give good things to our children.  That is right and good.  But when we do so at the expense of ever letting them feel disappointment--and without teaching them how to respond to disappointment--we do them a great disservice.  Certainly, at some point, our kids will be disappointed.  How do they know how to react?  How do they learn to mesh the idea that God loves them with their disappointment?

From us.

Our kids must see how to act when they're disappointed--with Faith.  Not with wallowing, not by putting up a hedge of self-preservation, not with manipulating all circumstances in an effort to make the disappointment stop.  But with a faith that acknowledges, "God always answers my prayers.  He has said no.  And He has said no for His glory and my good.  I can trust Him." 

I can't think of many things that will prepare them for life more than this.