I get a lot of comments from people about the fact that I work fulltime with three young children. Some of them admiring, some disapproving, and most just tired at the thought. My response to these comments is generally to laugh them off (or smile and change the subject).
But, if I'm being real for a moment, I'll admit to you that being a working mommy is not just tiring--it's sometimes lonely.
Now, I know that being a mommy is often a lonely proposition, whether working or not. And, truth be told, stay at home moms may be raising their eyebrows at my complaint. After all, they're the ones at home surrounded by children all day while working moms get to engage in adult conversation from 9 to 5 or longer. And that's true.
But being a working mom isn't lonely as in isolation from other people. I'm surrounded by people--by adults, even--all day every day. It's lonely as in the wading through shallow waters of friendship while wishing for the deep.
I have several wonderful work friends, most of whom are single. I have lots of precious mommy friends. And all of this is good. But I am never as close to any of these peoeple as I would like because my life just doesn't quite fit in either category. You see, in my mind, my mommy friends are enjoying lunch, Bible studies, and playdates together while I'm at work, and my work friends are out together while I'm tucking in babies and loading the dishwasher.
This is disconcerting to someone who thrives on close friendship and quality time. (Or, as my mother would tell you, someone who just doesn't want to miss anything.) I find myself with a constant mental list of people that I'd like to spend time with or whom we've neglected to see in quite a while, and I wallow in the guilt of being a bad friend and the disappointment of failing to invest in other people.
The truth, of course, is that I have the opportunity to make a more crucial investment in the lives of the three little people in my home. Every conversation, happy hour, and Bible study I miss simply pales in comparison to the "how was school today"s and stories read. As frustrating as this sitting-on-the-cusp-of-friendship feeling is, it is a season of my life. I will not always be pulled in so many directions at the same time, and maybe, just maybe, I won't even be a bad friend forever.
How funny, I was thinking about the same thing today, just different situation. Being part-time, I feel like I am using my days off (MOnday & Friday) to frantically grocery shop, clean, etc instead of the lunching/Bible study/play dates I had envisioned for my days "off" and I'm not at work enough to get to really "know" the people there either. I guess it's just the stage of life?
ReplyDeletealthough we don't see each other as often as i'd like, you are a blessing of a friend. know that it's not always time spent together (although we've certainly had plenty of that in the past) that makes a friendship valuable. love you!
ReplyDeleteAmen and thank you for sharing your heart...from a fellow working mom who knows where you are coming from.
ReplyDeletehey friend - you know what's interesting, I struggle with loneliness a LOT! And I've come to the very same result: my children are here around me, no they are not adults, but they are most certainly "good company" :) I've benefited from letting them be my conversationalists & investing in them whole-heartedly. I personally don't live close to hardly any stay-at-home moms, and because of the ages of mine (baby still taking 2 naps & I just stopped nursing, etc) - I really can't get out much. So, I imagine we as moms probably always see the grass is greener somewhere else, but I just wanted to affirm that being 100% with our kiddos will always bear the fruit we desire & bring lasting satisfaction. I so understand that longing for long conversations...maybe someday!
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