The Quiet Spirit Project is Born

As I lay in bed holding my vivacious, somewhat-insomniac three-year-old last night I began to pray for her.  Sleeping, after all, is difficult with a toddler kicking you every few minutes.  As I prayed, I found myself praying the verse on the sidebar for her--that she might have a "gentle and quiet spirit."  Now, anyone who knows me OR my eldest daughter may smirk at such a request.  But thankfully I believe in a big God who is able to do immeasurably more than I can ask or imagine.  So, I prayed.

You see, this verse has always been an aspiration for me--the kind of aspiration one never truly thinks they'll realize.  So maybe more of a dream.  But I believe that God means this verse for me as much as He does any other Scripture.  I believe that it is His will that I "adorn myself" with a "gentle and quiet spirit" because it pleases Him.  I also believe that my daughters will likely learn such a spirit best if their mother has one.  And so began the two hours of restlessness that followed. 

What does it mean to have a gentle and quiet spirit?  Does it mean you have to be gentle and quiet all the time?  Because I'm fairly certain I am incapable of such a task, having been born a talker and now a lawyer by trade. 

Then I realized that "gentle" and "quiet" were not left alone in this verse.  They modify "spirit."  So, what does a gentle and quiet spirit look like?  Surely it is a woman who does not need to talk to be at peace.  Who is content to listen to others and to consider her thoughts before expressing them.  More importantly, it is a woman who has peace in all circumstances.  Just look at the rest of the passage:  we are Sarah's children if we "do good and ... not fear anything that is frightening." 

As an anxiety-driven person, I find this monumental.  I can have a gentle and quiet spirit by learning to shun fear about things that are frightening.  Well, shoot.  I find EVERYTHING frightening.  Cars in a parking lot near my children?  Frightening.  Oral arguments before three-judge panels?  Terrifying.  Suspenseful movies?  Yep, those can keep me up for a week.

So, how do we learn to "not fear anything that is frightening"?  I've read enough books and blog posts on the topic to know the answer:  by fearing Something Greater.  Not by pretending those things don't exist, but by fearing God.  And by knowing that He is in control and that He loves us immeasurably.  I am blessed to know this answer.  And now comes the hard part:  learning to believe it and teaching my daughters to believe it, too, so that they can adorn themselves accordingly.

Oh, how I long for a "gentle and quiet" spirit for my girls.  How I hope for a faith that can move mountains. 

And in the meantime, I intend to document this battle for a gentle and quiet spirit.  I fight for myself, but also for my girls, and ultimately for the glory of Him who made, loves, and keeps us.  I will record the struggles and the triumphs.  We are just starting on this journey and have many mountains to climb with our children.  May they emerge with a faith that allows them to stare in the face of adversity and calmly proclaim, "It is well with my soul."